Stephen Carter

Change is Hard

I’m not even sure how I got here.

Like a lot of folks, I dabbled in blogging in the mid 2000’s, back when everybody and their parent had a blog that they were trying to get leveraged into a book deal.

I never quite carved out a niche in that space, but I did maintain my own little corner of the internet for a few years, only to get burnt out and throw in the towel. I was tired, and I found myself growing increasingly looking for better ways to connect with people.

Three Questions I’m Asking Myself

But over the past few years, I’ve noticed more and more of a desire to disconnect. Not from people, but from the things that distract me.

As I approach my 42nd birthday in April, I’m starting to ask myself three very pointed questions when I’m presented with a “new way to connect,” or “build community.”

1. What is This Adding to My Life?

If you’re anything like me, there are a million things vying for your attention.

Push notifications, 24/7 news, the newest restaurants, that movie that EVERYBODY has seen that you still haven’t.

It can start to feel like we’ll never keep up.

So any time there’s a new app, tool, or platform that it seems like everybody on earth is rushing to join, I ask myself what it would add to my life?

How will my life be more enriched by adding this tool/app/thing to it?

And unless the answer is an obvious positive, I’m not going to participate.

2. What Am I Saying “NO” to by Saying “YES” to This?

Time is transactional.

We all are given the same amount of minutes in a day. Yes, I know some of us have FAR more privilege in how we use those minutes, but the truth remains: we all have 1,440 minutes in each day.

As my kids grow older, I’m more acutely aware of the cost of saying yes to things. Because everything I say yes to means that I’m saying no to something else. Every minute I spend on Instagram is a minute I’m not spending with my kids.

My oldest just turned 15. She has 3 years left in the house with me. And if those 3 years go by half a fast as the first 15, she’ll be gone tomorrow.

And so, like with the first question, I’ve started asking myself what I’m going to have to say no to in order to say yes to something.

3. Will This Help Me Live a More Simplified Life?

I’m over the hustle culture.

I bought into it for years. Grind, get, achieve, amass, get more.

Later, Rinse, Repeat.

The older I get, the more I’m drawn to simplicity.

To sitting down with a cup of coffee and opening a news app (I still can’t bring myself to pay for a newspaper.)

To taking a walk without my headphones.

To going to the freaking bathroom without feeling the need to have my phone with me.

How are the things that I’m using or consuming, or the things that are using me, helping me toward a more simplified life?

Or are they making me more anxious, stressed, ungrateful, bitter, angry, and all the other emotions that I don’t like seeing in myself?

Come Along With Me

Come along with me as I aim to simplify my life. I’m going to try slowly disengaging from all the other forms of social media out there and do more and more here .

I have no idea how often I’ll update this.

My heart has great intentions, but life often gets in the way, and as with all things, sometimes things fall by the wayside.

But it would mean the world to me if you’d come hang out with me.

Let me know what you think.

Shoot me an email.

Or don’t. It’s up to you. I realize this form of connection isn’t for everybody, but maybe like me, you’re longing for something more than the algorithms and ads and product placements and things that make you feel like you don't have your shit together.

If that’s you, welcome.

I’m glad you’re here.