Advice to My Younger Self

My dad turned 40 during my freshman year of High School.

I remember his friends getting together and throwing him an “Over-the-Hill” party, complete with black balloons, tombstones, and all sorts of “farewells” to his youth.

And at 14 years old, I remember thinking, "Damn, 40 is old.”

I’m sitting here watching soccer, wearing my Nike sneakers with the good arch support, 11 days shy of turning 40 and finding myself wanting to go back and apologize to every 40-year-old adult that I thought was “old.”

Nevertheless, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about aging.

And with that, the advice that I’d give myself if I could do that thing from the movies where I get in a time machine and go visit my younger self (like Bruce Willis in that movie, “The Kid.”)

So I present the following: Advice I’d give my 25 year old self if I ran into him in a time-travel scenario.

Start Exercising Regularly Now

Not exercising for weight loss, or anything like that. Your body type is your body type. But for reals, start developing an exercise routine now.

Because what’s going to happen is that once or twice a year, you’re going to have the following conversation with yourself:

“Hey, we really should start exercising! We have a free gym at work, it’s dumb that we’re not making use of it. Let’s pack a bag and go to the gym before work tomorrow.”

And you’ll pack the bag and go to the gym, but you won't really know what to do there, so you’ll get sweaty, and maybe go back for a few days, and then you’ll put the gym bag away for six months.

So, younger me, if you could do future us a favor and start regularly exercising now, that’d be great. Thanks in advance!

Stop Thinking You Know Everything

Few things are more annoying than a twenty-something with ALL the answers. And I realize that you took bible college classes, have read a bunch of books, and are pretty convinced that you know it all.

But what you don’t know is that your late thirties are going to bring about a pretty serious season of faith deconstruction. To the point where you won't even really know what you believe.

And because you’ve spent all these years thinking that you know everything, it’s going to make NOT knowing incredibly painful.

You’re going to ask yourself some hard questions.

“If I’m not an Evangelical Christian, then what am I?”

“Without my faith, what’s my purpose?”

“Can I drift from my faith foundation and still be a good husband and dad?”

So again, please, from future us, I beg you. Get comfortable not having all the answers.

It’s going to make that deconstruction season of your life a lot less traumatic.

Give the Benefit of the Doubt

Look, I don’t know how to tell you this 2008-era Stephen, but the world is going to get more polarized and fractured than you can even imagine.

If you thought the Barack Obama election divided people, just you wait.

All I can say is this: most people are just doing their best. They mean well. They just think differently than you.

That’s not saying you have to be friends with all those people, but don't demonize them. Don’t fall into the us vs. them trap.

Assume that most people are just trying to take care of themselves and the ones they love, and that they want others to be happy too.

Life’s too short to be negative and angry all the time.

Stop Trying to be Cool

Luckily for us, you were never really that cool, but please stop worrying so much about what people think of you.

As you grow up and get a career (though it will come later than you want it to) you’re going to realize that what people think about you doesn’t matter. Sure you want people to not hate you, but don’t waste another second changing who you are to get people to like you.

Wear what you want to wear. Listen to what you want to listen to. Get excited about the things that excite you. And don’t apologize to anyone for any of it.

I can’t help but wonder what advice my 50 year old self is going to have.

I do know this one thing:

I’m excited to see what 40 brings.