Escaping the Algorithm

I turn 41 in less than a month.

It’s a weird time in life, to say the least. My kids are growing up, my career is going well, my therapist thinks I may finally be ready to talk about the underlying reasons I live in a constant state of being convinced that I’m not good enough, the list goes on.

Maybe it’s the melancholy of getting older, or maybe it’s the inevitable realization that, at least statistically, I’m now in the second half of my life, but I’ve been thinking a lot about priorities lately.

Whatever the reason, I’ve been making lists of the things that are important to me. I’m historically really bad at journaling (which is odd, since I went to school to get an English and Writing degree.) I’ve never been able to stick with it. But lately, I’ve been trying to keep lists of things that important to me, and things that aren’t.

In the spirit of transparency, here are some of the things on that list:

• My three beautiful daughters (Avery, Rylee, and Hattie.)

• My ever-patient wife Rachel.

• My health, and the health of my family

• Beautiful sentences

• Music that makes me feel things deep in my soul

• Meals with our friends

• A REALLY good cup of coffee

These are just a few of the things that I’ve decided are essential, non-negotiable, and of utmost importance to my existence. Things that are worth carrying into the second half of my life.

But just as important as knowing what IS important to me, I’ve tried to be keenly aware of the things that are no longer of any importance to me, though they once very much were. Things that I’ve decided aren’t worth taking into that second half of my life. Things that I’m leaving behind. They include:

• Comparing myself to others

• Divisive social media platforms

• Arguing with strangers on the internet for entertainment

• Curated lives

• Anything with the word “influencer.”

I’m not a luddite. I appreciate technology. My entire life is wrapped up in the Apple ecosystem. My iPhone talks to my iPad, which talks to my AppleTV, which talks to my Watch, which talks to my MacBook. I’m embarrassingly connected.

But I’m becoming more and more convinced that the last thing we need is to be more digitally connected. We’re more connected than we’ve ever been while simultaneously being more alone than we’ve ever been.

So I made the decision to say goodbye to social media of any kind. I left Facebook and Twitter (I’ll never call it X) years ago, but the time came to say goodbye to Instagram, as well as Reddit and LinkedIn (which has most definitely become a social media site.)

The first 48 hours have been hard. I find myself standing in a line, or waiting around for someone, or sitting in front of the TV at night, reaching for my phone to open Instagram for that dopamine hit. But it’s not there.

Instead, I’m replacing it with more reading, more crosswords, more Bluey episodes with my kids, more listening to records, and more time paying attention to the world.

I’m not saying you should quit social media all together. But what I AM saying is that I think we should all examine our relationships to the algorithms and the companies that are harvesting all of our data and selling us off like the products that we are.

I don’t know how many people are going to read this.

But I hope that if you do, that you’ll join me in taking time to reevaluate what really matters, and make more time for those things.

While taking the power away from the things that don’t.